Behind Blue Eyes
by Karakot
Summary: What would happen to Sam if Jack disappeared


An. This is not an a.u. really

Behind Blue Eyes

By: Karakot

After a good amount of brain washing and re-programming Anubous finally had the perfect assassin. And he was going to send him where he would do the most damage; he was going to have his brand new solider kill his best friends. _There was a crash and a bright light then I woke up here 50 feet from the largest piece of my ship and body aches the size of New York. I'm not alone on this planet I just hope that I can get to the gate before who ever is out there gets me._ They say that the eyes are the windows to the soul 

All I could do was stare at the woman my god had commanded me to kill. She was so beautiful it almost hurt to look at her. Her eyes are deep blue pools that never end.

**If that is true than I guess she doesn't have one.**

And I mean never end. There is nothing there. No fire, no life no hope. What is odd is that she looks familiar.

**Finding her soul is now my only goal,**

I have to find it, what makes her work even though she has nothing to live for. For just a second I see her soul. It scares me more than not seeing one did. For it is small, battered and has been lost, found then lost again countless times. What is even scarier is that it likes being lost, and there is nothing to stop her from losing it.

**It is like a game I haven't won. **

She sees me and looks like she recognizes me but doesn't say a word, just stares with her mouth slightly open. All I can do is run, and keep running and hope that she doesn't follow.

_**Why won't he just leave me alone? **_

_No, this can't be real. He is dead I saw him die so why does he still haunt me._

_**Why does he have to care so much?**_

_I know why. Just like I know what he would say. "Get on with your life, Major, that's an order." But I can't, I love him too much._

_**I want him because I don't want to be alone,**_

_I was alone until I met him, and am now alone because he is gone. People think that I am going to go crazy. But I'm not, I just want him here to hold me and say that ever thing is going to be ok. He kepted me sane. _

_**And I hate him because I want him so much.**_

_What I hate is that he left me knowing that I needed him to live. He helped keep me alive, and now that he is dead I have nothing left to live for. But I keep living. Often I find myself with my gun at my temple or on my pallet, but I can't pull the trigger. _

I saw her earlier walking across a tree that served as a bridge. I saw her looking down so ready to jump, willing to end her life. It was then that I realized just how lost she truly was. How come no one notices the shape she is in? Does no one care that she is dieing? Or does she hide in what shape she is truly in? I see her makeing camp and I stay in the shadows just watching, some how it fells right. Like this is what I always do.

_I wanted to jump; I wanted to end it all. I was so willing to die, I want to die. But something wont let me; it is as if my heart knows something that my head doesn't. I'm starting to think that I'm cursed. Almost every male that I like has an accident and either disappears or dies. Lets see there was Jonas, he's dead. Then there was Orlin, he ascended. Martof, also dead. Narm, dead. The ambassador, the Aschin took care of him. My father died last week and, there is Pete. I caught him with another girl last week. The last to go was Jack. He's somewhere. "What, am I cursed or something?" I yell out loud. Its getting dark and I need to make camp. But it is hard to do something that you don't want to. _

I slipped into her camp after she fell asleep by the fire. After feeding the fire some more, I sit down next to her. Almost as if she knows I'm there she smuggles closer to me and it take her in my arms. I'm just going to hold her. As I hold you in my arms and rock you to sleep 

I start to remember things. Like holding her once like I hold her know. It felt so right then. That feeling hasn't changed.

**Let you know that what you did in the past is o.k. with me.**

What ever happened its o.k. I had seen her tempt fate earlier and almost rushed out to stop her. What ever happened to make her want to die, I will help her through. I will help her recover her will to live.

"**Hush sleep now sweet angel, safe in my arms you will keep,**

I will keep you safe, screw my god, he has no right to decide when she dies. In fact I remember that he is no god at all.

**And for this simple pleasure I will pay any fee."**

Even if she wants to kill me when she wakes up, I will die knowing that I brought her peace. Even if it was only for one night. Did she just say, "I love you Jack."? How can she know, how can she realize who I am? How can she know?

_**I'm safe here but I shouldn't be.**_

_No fear, no pain, and no sorrow. Did I die? _

_**Right here with your arms holding me,**_

_No, not dead, being held. His smell all round me his arms holding me, I'm finally at peace. He is here, he is alive and he just says that he loves me. That was all I needed. _

_**I have to get some sleep so I can fight.**_

_There is a battle coming, one last big battle. We'll need him if we are going to win._

_**And I mustn't rest the entire night.**_

I need to get back to the gate, need to report, but just so tired. Sleep then go. 

It's dawn and she is coming to. As she starts to stretch when she sees me and smiles. For no reason I lean over and kiss her. It was short but sweet. We both want it to be longer but there is not time. We have to get home, I remember home. Earth, Danny, Doc, and every one and thing else.

**We are children of the same worlds and the same lives,**

_We are so much alike but so different_.

**And no one is aloud to see us when we cry.**

We are soldiers we don't love or morn, we have no heart, no feelings and some even think that we have no soul.

**We will only get this one night,**

By sunset we will be back to being CO and 2IC, together but forever apart because of the rules.

**Before we must continue our never-ending fight, **

The battle will end one day and on that day I will kiss you Sam. Please wait for me.

One day we will not need to fight anymore, and latter that night I will make love to you Jack. So please wait for me.


End file.
